Thursday, February 4, 2016

Embracing Chaos

     Sometimes it's quiet but those precious moments are fleeting and so very lovely. Most of the time it is just LOUD! Life in our home with four little boys ages 9, 7, 4 and 2 is, well, chaos! It's very organized chaos, but chaos nonetheless. Don't get me wrong. I truly love the life they bring to our home and wouldn't change it for a single second! I adore my boys and am always grateful to be blessed enough be a Stay-at-Home mother! It is never easy and it's all consuming of every single part of my being, but it is worth the sacrifice. It can be just a tad bit exhausting and stressful most of the time. Even the most patient of mothers can find it hard to make it through the day without at least one mommy meltdown. I tend to have several.
      The boys' energy is lively and adorable and they just NEVER stop. They crash, run, climb, jump, laugh, sing, cry, fight, scream, wrestle and more. They especially love to sword fight and anything can become a sword. They do this often. Actually, they do this most of the time, simultaneously. My boys love to get all revved up like this at homework time and then again, much to my delight, at bedtime. It is a daily struggle. We adore weekends.
     The homework shenanigans commence with the usual refusals and convulsive fits for which I have to brace myself. I can sense the torture. This part is not quite as cute as some of the other times they tornado around the house. These are the moments when I start to feel as though I am no longer in my home with my children, but I've instead been thrown into barn with noisy farm animals! If you have never tried simultaneously doing algebra with one child, while helping the other do literature responses, while teaching another about letter N, and yes the 2 year old throwing a tantrum at your feet because he wants to "pay dough", it is just as enjoyable as it sounds. Add to that the 9 year old who wants no part of your correcting his mistakes because he obviously knows more than you do about math. He may in fact be correct about that. Then the second grader cries because it's taking too long and he can't concentrate. I get it, neither can I.  The four year old spills his drink all over the table of papers, he starts screaming, the phone is ringing, dinner is burning, the baby is ripping up papers and sloshing in the apple juice with poop in his diaper and all you want to do is vanish into thin air.  Your gritting your teeth, holding your breath and feel your head start to throb. You still have to get through the rest of this, dinner, bath and the dreaded bedtime. Dear Lord, how much can I take? It's enough to make any sane person insane. In fact I'm quite sure that any day now I'm going to crack up and end up in the nut house. I'm not quite sure how I haven't checked in there yet. I mean this is insanity.  Maybe I should admit myself into the nut house after all. It would be a nice little vacation where I may actually get to sleep and shower regularly. That sounds amazing.
     I feel the scream rise in my throat and my meltdown imminent. I realize that to date, I have not cracked up. I have survived every single moment of motherhood thus far. Many of them have been enormously challenging, much more than this insignificant stuff. I remember the day I woke up with Vertigo and was so dizzy I couldn't sit up and was vomiting every hour. No picnic considering I was nursing a newborn and alone with him and the other three boys all day. I recall the time my 2nd child fell, broke open his chin and had to be rushed to the emergency room in an ambulance. I was alone with a 35 week pregnant belly and 3 kids. We all took the ride in the ambulance. There are a million other instances that I have survived that were incredibly challenging. I look to my faith and look deep within myself. This homework craziness is oh so frustrating but not impossible. Where are my patience? Breathing always helps too...as does wine. I can do this! I can dig deeper! I was made for this! This is my role and I have to be strong! I love my boys and they need me. I am blessed to be at home doing their homework with them! It may make me insane for the moment. It may be chaos, but I choose to embrace it! I am mom and I am still standing!