Thursday, February 11, 2016

My Morning Circus

     Hi Mamas! I am finally finding a few moments to check in and get some writing done. Yesterday was a bust for the blog mostly because I live in a circus and have no time to complete a thought let alone compose a piece of writing. It didn't help that my toddler hijacked my iPad and made it impossible for me to write.
    As I was scrambling around yesterday morning I answered a call from one of my besties. Now usually I know better than to try to chat at 8:40 and would have called her back. I was feeling confident in my multitasking skills so I took the call. We were chatting about some of our usual mom topics when I tripped over the baby, who is two and no longer a baby but I fear he will always be know as the baby. Anyway, I tripped over him while I was running around trying to get dressed to run out the door. The reason for this mishap was that he was in the middle of the floor coloring. No big deal right? Wrong...very huge deal! He was using the iPad screen as his canvas for his baby work of art. He had chosen glitter crayons as his medium of choice.
     Horrified, I grabbed the iPad and went running, pants-less, to find something to clean it with. The baby started screaming because I disrupted his art session and I felt a mommy meltdown brewing because "I have to leave the house right now, I am not dressed and I have to clean this iPad and pray that it is not broken". Amazingly, my friend and I continue to carry on our chat despite the chaos in my home. Only mothers can do this by the way. It is an acquired skill that only moms can understand, execute successfully and tolerate. Any way, she happens to be one of the most amazing and brilliant women I know and she insists that I hop online and write up these antics to share because they are too hysterical to keep to myself. The rest of our chat kind of goes like this;
     "Mama, I would love upon love to be able to find a moment to share this insanity with the other mothers out there, but I can't at the moment. I am standing here half dressed with a screaming midget at my feet trying to remove glitter crayon from my iPad screen." "Don't you have a cover on the screen?" "Sadly, no I don't because I can't find a moment to get one. Do you have any idea how to clean crayon off without rubbing too hard. I don't want to scratch the glass. How about Windex? The darn glitter is stuck to the glass. As aggravating as this it, its got nothing on the 45 minute battle I had with my 4th grader last night." "Why did you battle with him?" "Well, 4th grade math is becoming increasingly more complex and when I try to go over it with him, he freaks out insisting that I am wrong. I explain to the child that I learned this a long time ago and I also have a background in teaching so I can certainly help him. He insists that I don't know how to do it and that I'm not doing it the way his teacher taught him. As I read the question I begin to fear he may actually be correct but I will never let him know this. I assure him that he is being ridiculous and that we will call daddy to explain that mommy is correct. I actually need to call daddy because I am totally confused now and daddy is the math genius around here. The child storms off because he thinks I am doubting him. He should only know I am doubting myself and actually have no idea what the hell I am doing anymore. My husband answers the phone and of course he figures the answer out in seconds. Annoying!!! He confirms my son's answer is correct. Fantastic...Apparently the 9 year old knows better than me. The worst part is I still have no idea how they arrived at the correct answer."
     At this point my friend who is driving into the city to work had nearly wet herself from laughing so hard at the circus that is my life.  I laugh too...if I don't laugh I will certainly cry...A LOT! I may drive myself to the nut house. She chokes through her laughter, "YOU NEED TO SHARE THIS CRAP...IT IS HYSTERICAL!!!!!" So, I am sharing the insanity, the circus act, the moment to moment happenings that my life with 4 boys creates, with you amazing mamas! I am late for preschool again. I am standing here in my undies with crying toddlers while scrubbing glitter crayon off my iPad, kids who need coats and shoes on with a clock that keeps ticking in full blown mommy meltdown. Mortified at the reality that is my morning, every morning, I tell my friend that this is the "easy" part of my day. The day really begins at 3:15 when all 4 boys are home and I have to go head to head like a battling bull over the really hard stuff like math word problems that I can't explain. Actually, it is 3:14...the bus is pulling up. I gotta run...I have to brace myself for the rest of my day. It's not easy at all...but I know that I am blessed and I know it is so worth all the sacrifice. I know you get it...we are moms...we are all in the same boat...we get it! Keep up the great work mamas! P.S. The baby just colored his face.....